i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
