come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
