This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
