i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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