I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
