I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
