If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize