Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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