ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
