I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
