Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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