so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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