420 ftw
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
