***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
