remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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