So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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