I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
