I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
