peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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