in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
