You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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