Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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