My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
