I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
