I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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