Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
