Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
