john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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