There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
