how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
