My friends, they love my intelligence
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I had to cum in my sink.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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