dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
do herpes really smell.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
