no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
