I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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