I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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