so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
