He disabled his match.com account in front of me
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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