He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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