Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
