Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
