So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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