After last night, I could never be a politician.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
