I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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