and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
