Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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