I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
