Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
