i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
