and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My dad just said "fuck circus"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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