I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
