i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
