im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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