I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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