last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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