Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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