I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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