I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize