we have officially lost it.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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