There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
