some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
