Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
