I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
