so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
