Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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