A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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