I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
