Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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