It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
