So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
