I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
